Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Snark Attack: Newfies

I just found this aptly named land, and here are its finest. Enjoy.

Most human men would question the wisdom a woman photographing herself from an angle which makes her cheekbones appear larger than her breasts... but she's not out to impress human males...

Her target audience.

You know what's really scary? The door she's standing in front of is the only way out of that room.

Sorry, boys. Taken.

"What do you mean, 'What am I doing on a dating site?' I just want to find someone to... oh, you're looking at the suit and the flowers and the woman who has been entirely cropped out except for her hand -- you think I'm getting marr--? Ha ha! No, no, no. This is... something else. Something else entirely. So... where you from?"

The Canadian Special Forces:
You can't even tell that they've been covertly operating in southern New Mexico since 9/11.
Neither can they.
They think it is Afghanistan.
They do not speak Spanish.

...and hating it.

Heyyyyy... wait a minute...!
Those two huge things on her chest...?

Those can't be her real hands!

CMI: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

"Seriously, though. Which ones are we? Am I Optimus? Mega-thon? *sighs* Our models are so freakin' complex."
"But you can see every penny of the CGI."
"You got that right,... Blur? Starblebee? Unicorn?"
"I really couldn't tell you. We all seem to be gunmetal gray."
"Then screw it. You're Blur."

"Critics blithely refer to movies... all the time, but this is the real deal."
Eugene Novikov

"[T]he script (credited to Ehren Kruger, Robert Orci, and Alex Kurtzman) was written in serial-novel form during an all-night mescaline bender... I have... evidence."
Christopher Orr
New Republic

"The special effects are better and the dialogue slightly more humorous than in the first movie, but the anti-Arab subtext is [unfortunately, only]... PG-13."
Chicago Reader

"Boasts... visuals, sound effects and editing, ...action sequences... thrills and a plot filled with... logic... that leaves you feeling ...whelmed."
Avi Offer
NYC Movie Guru

"This sequel is just masturbation."
Jeff Bayer
The Scorecard Review

"It's a wad of... big screen... machismo".

"It is... cinematic ejaculation."
Brent Simon
Shared Darkness