CMI: The Last Song

"The Last Song" represents Miley Cyrus' first adult role.

Heaven help us all.

"The Last Song hits the big bong ... early on[.]"

Christopher Smith

Bangor Daily News (Maine)


"The film is engineered to entice... everyone else."

Nick Schager

Slant Magazine

"[J]erked gracelessly and methodically. But this is what you want..., right?"

Eric D. Snider

EricDSnider.com

"Cyrus..., with her... overbite[,] does show off her considerable chops[.]"

Rob Nelson

Variety

"If you laid... Sparks, ... Cyrus, ... and simultaneously ... a surly teen (and piano prodigy) who’s forced to ... with her divorced father Steve (Greg Kinnear), her old keyboard teacher, at his Georgia beachfront home[,] ... while her younger brother Jonah (ultra-cutesy Bobby Coleman) idolizes the old man ..., [t]hen there’s the romance."

Frank Swietek

One Guy's Opinion


"I like Miley Cyrus... packaged[.]"

Roger Ebert

Chicago Sun-Times

CMI: Bounty Hunter

"Madness?"

"These two characters are so aggressively..., the world would be better off with both of them[.]"

Ethan Alter

NYC Film Critic

"The Bounty Hunter is the caper comedy that keeps on[.]"

Michelle Orange

Movieline


"Yes, it's every bit as... the trailers suggest."

Rene Rodriguez

Miami Herald

"[W]hat I appreciate most, in the end, is simply not cringing."

Michael Phillips

Chicago Tribune


"[I]t[']s welcome[,] and ends up as one of the most... voluted romcoms in recent memory. The lively supporting cast... keep you briefly awake. "

Avi Offer

NYC Movie Guru

"I like Jennifer Aniston, .... her .... junk."

Christopher Tookey

Daily Mail [UK]

CMI: Old Dogs

"It may be too late for you two, but I'm getting out of this movie while I still have a career! "

"The hell you are, Green! You're gonna be my son in Wild Hogs 2!"

"[T]his... movie pees... comedy."

Matt Stevens

E! Online

"Old Dogs is -- quite simply... filmmaking."

Ken Hanke

Mountain Xpress (Asheville, NC)

"This... comedy tests the limits of... the crotch a movie can show, or an audience can absorb."

Sean Means

Salt Lake Tribune

"[F]ew people are making movies like Old Dogs."

Mick LaSalle

San Francisco Chronicle

"Is any of it believable for even one moment? Of course[.]"

Tom Long

Detroit News

"[E]ndlessly, excruciatingly [f]un-funny [can]non-comedy[.]"

Nell Minow

Beliefnet

"Old Dogs isn't the absolute worst movie[.]"

Ty Burr

Boston Globe

CMI: 2012

"What? I'm throttling Woody Harrelson. Wouldn't you?"

"It is better that the world ends here, right now[.]"
Brandon Fibbs
BrandonFibbs.com

"[I]t's a disaster gang-bang."
Scott Von Doviak
culturevulture.net

"[A] work of awful efficiency."
Tom Long
Detroit News

"It's pointless to fault '2012'."
Dan Lybarger
eFilmCritic.com

"2012 is so long, and its special effects are at once so outrageous and so thunderously... decent[.]"
Anthony Lane

New Yorker

"An Oscar-caliber cast and dazzling visual effects..., dialogue and... plot points."

Tyler Hanley
Palo Alto Weekly

"'I'm... for this s**t.'"

Mark Ramsey

MovieJuice!

Snark Attack: Newfies

I just found this aptly named land, and here are its finest. Enjoy.

Most human men would question the wisdom a woman photographing herself from an angle which makes her cheekbones appear larger than her breasts... but she's not out to impress human males...


Her target audience.

You know what's really scary? The door she's standing in front of is the only way out of that room.

Sorry, boys. Taken.

"What do you mean, 'What am I doing on a dating site?' I just want to find someone to... oh, you're looking at the suit and the flowers and the woman who has been entirely cropped out except for her hand -- you think I'm getting marr--? Ha ha! No, no, no. This is... something else. Something else entirely. So... where you from?"

The Canadian Special Forces:
You can't even tell that they've been covertly operating in southern New Mexico since 9/11.
Neither can they.
They think it is Afghanistan.
They do not speak Spanish.

...and hating it.

Heyyyyy... wait a minute...!
Those two huge things on her chest...?

Those can't be her real hands!

CMI: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

"Seriously, though. Which ones are we? Am I Optimus? Mega-thon? *sighs* Our models are so freakin' complex."
"But you can see every penny of the CGI."
"You got that right,... Blur? Starblebee? Unicorn?"
"I really couldn't tell you. We all seem to be gunmetal gray."
"Then screw it. You're Blur."

"Critics blithely refer to movies... all the time, but this is the real deal."
Eugene Novikov
AMCtv.com

"[T]he script (credited to Ehren Kruger, Robert Orci, and Alex Kurtzman) was written in serial-novel form during an all-night mescaline bender... I have... evidence."

Christopher Orr

New Republic


"The special effects are better and the dialogue slightly more humorous than in the first movie, but the anti-Arab subtext is [unfortunately, only]... PG-13."

Andrea Gronvall

Chicago Reader

"Boasts... visuals, sound effects and editing, ...action sequences... thrills and a plot filled with... logic... that leaves you feeling ...whelmed."
Avi Offer
NYC Movie Guru

"This sequel is just masturbation."
Jeff Bayer
The Scorecard Review

"It's a wad of... big screen... machismo".

David Cornelius

eFilmCritic.com

"It is... cinematic ejaculation."
Brent Simon
Shared Darkness

Kennessuckey Bluenuts

Can you spot the Kentuckians in this mostly Tennesseean lineup?* Or perhaps, more pertinently, will you bother?

"A camera?! Here??!!!"

Dewey Defeats Woman.

How could any man turn down the thought of more passionate kisses like this one?

"Yessssssssssssssssssssss, I'm going to drink the whole thing. This pitcher is my date tonight. Leave."

"C'mon. Whaddya say, eh? C'moooooooonnn. Ehhh? Ehhhhhhhhh??"

Hypnosis does not work over the internet. Nice try, though.

Eight inches of neckline and a millimeter of cleavage; at this point even the type of man she's trying to attract is more interested in her personality.

I know she's winking and I know it's ageist to say this, but if she doesn't close her other eye completely people are just going to think she's having a stroke.

*It was those last two.